All posts by Shem Cohen
Keys to Family Business Success
Keys to Family Business Success – A framework of understandings and agreements which drive shared responsibility and commitment for achieving business success and family harmony.
Meet Shem Cohen
Meet Shem Cohen – a summary of Shem’s work, professional background and personal story.
People Skills to build connection, develop positive, productive relationships and nurture influence.
PeopleSkills_The Art of Connection and Influence, Shem Cohen, M.S.O.D.
Future Search, The Spirit of Our Work
The Meaning of Freedom, Courage and Living One’s Values
This is a true story of an adventure that changed my life during a hitch-hiking ‘walk-about’ many years ago. In the hope this offers any inspiration or helps some one’s life be better in any way…
Working my way up the east coast during late fall it was raining that slow, soft steady drizzle for hours on end, the kind of rain that permeates all and soaks one to the bone. Intermittent downpours brought sheets of rain that moved in waves across the landscape letting all reality know the real meaning of power.
I had been walking and standing all day, in and out of cars whose drivers were curious enough, bored enough or who lived towards discovery enough to pick up a hitch-hiker and his gear on the side of a highway. For those who explored beyond a glance, they would note the looks and ‘energy’ of a good person, “ a bit young to be travelling like this though…”
I was somewhere in Delaware, having left Baltimore early that morning and working my way north hoping to get to Boston before nightfall. My outdoor gear was solid, but this kind of rain and dampness was hard to keep at bay for long. These were the days before ‘advanced fabrics’ – fleece and GoreTex, and we layered with wool, wore a 60/40 shell and then a rain poncho belted to keep the wind-blown rain at bay. It worked well enough. Standing just beyond a set of toll booths for well over an hour, I knew looking wet and my backpack looking wet wasn’t improving my odds of getting an easy ride. Sometimes we just have to move through rain to get to where we want to be.
Connecting with every approaching driver, letting them see my eyes and as much of ‘who I am’ as a passing glance might offer, I was thinking about the book, ‘The Lives of a Cell” by Lewis Thomas. I was seeing all these people going past on their way to somewhere living their own stories, connected to all of their circles and their circles’ circles. There was a hidden ecology to it all. And once this came into view, I could see how every word, action and especially act of compassion spreads out in ripples. Sometimes a ripple can even become a wave and make life better somewhere for someone, or many.
A yellow Volkswagen Beetle approached. As we saw each other, we both knew this ride was written to be. Definite connection. I watched him measure my presence and decide I was both an interesting and safe fellow to invite out of the rain. He quickly veered off and stopped in the emergency lane about fifty yards ahead. As I watched I saw boldness in decisive action… integrity, high competence. I relaxed knowing that things were cool, a good life experience was likely waiting as I grabbed my pack and guitar and jogged to the car. We went through the usual ritual, he rolled down the passenger window to have a few words and make a final assessment as I was doing the same. Eye contact. Face. Voice. Tone. Hands (hands can teach a lot about someone). Body language. Gut feeling.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m heading to Boston”.
“Where in Boston”?
“Don’t know yet… anywhere in or near Boston is fine. Will probably work my way downtown, get to where the city’s culture lives… music, art galleries, colleges, parks… “.
“Come in, I’m going to Boston, would enjoy some company”.
“Great, Thank you”, I said appreciatively as I took off and quickly folded my poncho, wet side in and thought, “Yes!” (Things are safe, getting a ride all the way in this weather is a very good thing… and I’m intrigued, this guy exudes a lot of personal power…)
He was in his early thirties, black curly hair, in good physical shape, an eastern European accent and the hands of an office person. His eyes conveyed a depth – a centered presence that was unusual – and I couldn’t help but notice that he was unique. He emanated the personal power of lessons hard earned. We both felt like we were meeting a co-journeyer and a new friend.
As we pulled back onto the highway we shared the usual chit chat, where we’re from, where we’re going, what music we liked, what we do for work, our favorite books. His name was Michael and he had recently moved to the US from Eastern Europe. I was intrigued right away. These were the days when the cold war was raging and the Berlin Wall still stood heavily guarded. He was an engineer on his way to Boston for a job interview. I was on a walk-about, letting the adventure unfold, moment by moment. Michael had more questions than answers, sharing in a reserved way about his life. As our conversation cycled and went deeper it became apparent that I landed square into someone else’s incredible story unfolding moment by moment.
“Your accent is from… Hungary or Czechoslovakia?”
“Very good guess, must be being musician you have ear for accents… actually I’m from Ardeal”
“Ardeal? – where is Ardeal?”
“Is in Romania… you probably know as Transylvania…” Michael paused for my reaction, then added, “…no, I’ve never seen vampires”
“Well that’s good… the world is a crazy enough place without them”
Michael smiled. He was polite and seemed genuinely happy to have company. He also seemed intellectually or emotionally preoccupied with something important. There was a ‘weight’ to his presence.
“What’s the land like in Ardeal? Is it beautiful? Are the cities very large?” I asked. I loved to learn about different places, cultures… ways of life. This was why I traveled the way I did. I was also curious to hear a great story that offered learning… discovery…
“the land is very beautiful… there are mountains and large, how do you say… plateaus that in spring and summer are full of color, the green touches the sky… yes, it is quite a beautiful place… but is difficult to get to see much of it because you need papers to travel.”
“You grew up in a city?”
“Yes, was crowded, big pollution in places and not much choice in way of work”
“Is that why you left?”
“Yes… and no. I left because I wanted to be free…”
“Free?”
“Is communist… the government tells you where to live, where to go to school, where to work, what music to listen to, art to make, where you can and cannot go… mostly cannot go…” Michael become animated as his story took shape. “You live your life to all the rules, all of the time. If you have family in another town, it can take a long time to get permission to travel”.
“Ardeal’s behind the Iron Curtain…”
“Yes, very iron… very iron… All the time growing up, I hated that we could do nothing without government telling us everything about how to live our life. When I got older I hated even more that I had to work where was told, live where was told, that I had to have papers to go anywhere to see something or visit people. And many people were disappearing who said anything against government”.
“So you left?”
“Yes, I left”
“Not an easy decision I would think…” When I said this I could see a tear well up in Michael’s eyes. He was quiet for a moment; the windshield wipers flapped back and forth as the skies opened up and another heavy shower of rain started. I remained quiet and fully present, letting Michael get his thoughts together and also stay focused on the road. As we got clear of a pod of moving trucks and things opened up a bit, he cleared his throat.
“Easy in one way” he finally said, “not so easy in other ways… I couldn’t stand living in so much control over everything in my life, I knew from inside of me I could not stay there, that I had to have different life no matter what it cost, even my life. That made it easy decision. But I left everyone I knew, everyone I grew up with, my family, my friends, people I went to school with. I don’t know if ever I’ll see them again in this life. I had fiance but she wouldn’t come with me and I made decision that freedom was more important than living in this place, my insides crying all the time.”
When Michael shared this, I could feel a weight being lifted and somehow knew that I was the first person with who he had shared this much of his story. I let the moment rest sharing this moment in time, honoring silence as an important part of the flow as well. In music, the rests are every bit as important (if not more) then the notes of a good melody.
After a moment, I asked, “How did you get out?” I was thinking about the movies I had seen where machine gunners manned the Berlin Wall killing anyone who attempted to escape. The movie, ‘The Great Escape” came to mind, where few of the heroes made it out alive.
“I had to leave over mountains. I took just what I could carry, most important papers, some pictures, few warm clothes, a little food and water. The hard part was that I couldn’t say goodbye to anyone, I couldn’t say goodbye to anyone I loved… I couldn’t even leave a letter because after I left I didn’t want anyone to be in danger. That was the hardest part, not saying goodbye… I knew many would understand, but still was very difficult.” Another almost tear welled up in Michael’s eyes as I sensed him seeing the faces of all the people he loved that he left behind. The emotional wave was deep… slow… I could feel my own almost tears want to be part of the moment.
He continued, “Getting out of Romania over the mountains and into Hungary was a difficult journey. I ate little, walked at night and rested in the day, someplace hidden. Some people in the countryside would help me sometimes, but I had to be very careful so not to get caught. I knew the police would kill me if they caught me, or send me someplace where I would wish to be killed. I got good finding water, sometimes walking for days without food though. I would sneak into field and get some corn and, when lucky, could find eggs or get a chicken if I could catch one quietly. I felt bad taking a chicken, but had no choice. I like to think the farmer would understand”.
“I bet they would understand, and probably give you more if they could” I said. “I find that people are generally good and we like to help each other” Michael nodded and smiled. He knew.
“It became very difficult after making it across Hungary into Austria. Even though Austria is not communist, if they caught me, they would send me back, so I had to make it across Austria in secret into Germany. The mountains in Austria made the mountains in Romania look like sandbox. But I had come this far and knew, if I could just make it to Germany everything would be O.K.” He continued, “I took small foot trails into the mountains. All I had was compass and map I drew after talking with old man. The higher I walked, the colder it became. I didn’t eat for days and was very weak. I was stumbling, couldn’t keep my balance. Breathing was hard and I was so tired. Every step felt like was the last one I could take. The last thing I remember on the mountain was falling down on side of trail, thinking this was it… I was really going to die here as my eyes closed”. Michael started to cry. Wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, he continued. “The next thing I remember was waking up in… I didn’t know where. I was in convent. Nuns found me on the trail and carried me back to convent. They said I was almost dead and were giving me water and praying for me for three days unconscious. They saved my life”. His lips trembled as he uttered these last words again, “they saved my life”.
After a moment of regaining composure, he continued, “they nursed me back to strength over few weeks. I was very, very fearful they would report me, but they told me not worry, I was safe with them”. Another flood of tears welled as I could feel the relief he experienced in that moment when his saviors let him know his secret would be safe. “After few weeks, they packed me with food and water, a warm sweater and blanket and walked me to trails that led over the border. I will always remember saying goodbye to these angels who came to save me and give me a life”. His tears were tears of gratitude as pure as rain. So were mine.
We sat quietly for a while. The rain tapered back and we both sat in the glow of Michael’s story. It was a comfortable silence, like when a beautiful piece of music comes to a cadence or the play ends and everyone just sits in the glow of the moment. It took Michael six months to walk to freedom. It took him a few more to make it to the U.S. To this point in my young life (I was 17) I had never really known what freedom was. Now I knew. And even though I thought I knew what courage was, I realized that all I knew was kid games and adrenaline. Michael taught me what real courage was. And he showed me the faith in self and in the universe it takes to live life in one’s values and toward one’s dreams.
We made it to Boston. The rain slowed to a soft drizzle, soon to stop. Michael bought me lunch and we shared company with small talk and jokes in the same comfort as one relaxes with family/friends we only get to see every so often. Then we said goodbye. To this day, thirty-six years later, I remain grateful that G.D put us in each other’s path.
Shem Cohen
Leadership Lessons from a Classical Musician
Having spent the past 20+ years as an OD consultant, I’ve had opportunity to work with many organizations large and small, lead change initiatives, team building programs, coach leaders and help develop greater organizational capability. During this time I’ve also had many opportunities to observe leaders and teams, see what works and what doesn’t in terms of driving higher collective performance. Reflecting back on my years as a classical musician, many of these lessons parallel the leadership it takes to successfully lead teams.
A classical music ensemble mirrors any group seeking to achieve high performance. A clear charter is present, roles and value contributions are clear and leadership is ever needed to band separate parts into a conclusive and congruent whole.
In any ensemble, the first chair is the leader of the group. This player is often the most experienced and most technically proficient musician of the group and generally plays the main melody. The First Chair runs the rehearsals, helps others interpret the music, get their phrasing and dynamics right and pulls the best out of each player. As the leader, they are ultimately responsible for the performance quality of the group – whether or not the ensemble is able to invite the muse and move people.
The most glaring misperception is that the First Chair plays their part and hopes the accompanying parts are where they need to be during the performance. This couldn’t be further from the truth. What actually happens – the leader listens intently to what’s happening every second and fits their part in just right to pull it all together.
The Leader’s Role?
1. Keep the Big Picture Front and Center. A composer wrote a piece of music to express an intimate, meaningful message for others to deliver. Focusing on one aspect is akin to being lost in the trees versus seeing the whole. If this happens, the performance will not meet it’s goals. The leader’s role is to help other players see this big picture, keep it in mind, ear and heart as they play their parts. Only then will the group come together as one and deliver on their charter.
2. Develop Each Player’s Ability to Contribute the Best They Have to Offer. The leader coaches, mentors and teaches when necessary in order to get every player’s abilities to peak performance. They understand the nuances of each player’s role, the part they have to cover and help people transcend current technical and personal barriers that get in the way of performing at their best.
3. Get People to Listen to Each Other, Fit Their Parts in As Needed, Where Needed. A good First Chair connects the group better to itself.
4. Cues and Real Time Corrections. During performance everyone knows their parts (hopefully), has their playbook in front of them – and they also give attention to the First Chair who keeps the Big Picture in mind and cues entry points, dynamics (what to emphasize) and closings.
5. The Leader Listens Intently to What’s Happening, Is In Touch with Their Players and Plays Their Part In Ways To Tie It All Together. An effective leader doesn’t just charge ahead with their own agenda. A good leader listens, observes, keeps the goal in mind and fits their own actions in just the right ways to create a congruent, meaningful whole.
I hope the parallels offered above offer value. Play On!
What Makes Legend?
Space Shuttle Discovery made her final flight yesterday atop a Jumbo Jet to her retirement home in the Smithsonian Institute. Thousands saw her off at Kennedy Space Center and thousands more welcomed her to D.C., breath-taken during her saluting circles in the Capital’s sky. Discovery flew 39 missions over 28 years and marked a historic period of space research and exploration. She launched the Hubble Telescope to orbit, carried the first Russian cosmonaut on a U.S. spaceship, performed the first rendezvous with the Russian space station Mir, returned pioneer Mercury astronaut John Glenn to orbit and brought shuttle flights back to life after the Challenger and Columbia accidents.
What makes legend? – The courage and tenacity to pave new ground, actions which speak to our deepest hopes and dreams for a better future and the leadership and collaboration which inspires us to reach new heights. The center of this isn’t one charismatic leader or the expert spin of messages to shape our perceptions and expectations, but a simple idea which represents our desires to build something better, to improve our world and propel us all forward.
Leadership Lesson: How does one get to be President of the United States?
I had the opportunity to work with a former White House Deputy Chief of Staff and his law firm partners helping the partnership resolve several crucial matters and strategically position the firm for future growth. During one of our dinners together I asked, “What makes a successful politician? How does one get to be President of the United States?” We talked about intelligence, charisma, communication skills, visioning, the ability to build consensus, presence, influence skills, clarity of values, the ability to attract the right people, the ability to motivate… He told me that, while all of these traits play a role, the one defining trait is Persistence.
In a flash, many of the successful entrepreneurs, corporate, government and not-for-profit leaders I had worked with the past 20 years streamed in my mind – all so different in personalty, leadership styles, values and professional experience, but with one unifying thread running through all of their stories – They had all been through the fire. They all had come through incredible challenges, sometimes devastating life or career events which forced them into deep questioning and tested their faith in themselves and their mission. All had come to terms with their failures, learned from their experience (many shared these unsolicited during informal conversations) and renewed their deep dedication to a vision which guided their lives. All were (are) persistent in the pursuit of their dream, changing tactics and strategies as needed, falling down, brushing themselves off, re-gaining their balance and staying energized from a deep desire to achieve something they knew in their heart was their path.
I wonder if reality is more alchemy than a plan, with such personal dedication to the vision one holds as the magic element in making the lives we most wish to live.
Being The Leader Others Willingly Follow (What Really Makes a Leader)
Leadership is about influence – getting people to do things and setting the stage for people to want to do things. Of all the books on leadership, all of the qualities people list that define a good leader (there are many), Warren Bennis best summed it up when he said that but one quality determines whether one is a leader or not – they have followers. Once this criterion is met, leaders are positioned to do their jobs – set direction, build organizational capability, manage stakeholder relationships, lead change and engender the ownership and accountability on the part of others to propel the organization forward. These are the leaders for who people show up and work their best for, putting in nights and weekends to be sure they deliver the best to their potential.
So what makes us want to follow someone?
1. Credibility: A leader invites followers through credibility. Credibility is built on expertise, authenticity and personal values. Credibility engenders respect and trust and triggers a voice in others that says, “I trust their judgment, I really want to stand up and deliver for this person”.
a. Expertise is the entry ticket to leadership. Senior leaders have deep expertise in one or more core areas of the business and a proven track record of achieving results. Younger leaders also bring expertise to the table, but what they lack in career experience they bring in consistency for stand-out performance and strong basic skills in strategic thinking, driving results, people skills, decision-making or creativity. If you’re a young potential leader, pave your way forward through the best you have to offer and sharpen that saw. If you’re mid-to-late career leader, keep learning and keep that saw sharp as a razor to stay relevant amidst a sea of change.
b. Authenticity is about being real, being consistent. Through authenticity a leader models desired focus, values, behaviors and shapes culture. Authenticity comes through having put in the reflection time to know oneself and learn from experiences.
The fastest way to lose followers is to be inauthentic, inconsistent, pretentious, over-political or ego-driven. People see right through it. As someone in a leadership role, one might hold the reigns of formal authority but, lacking authenticity, people will only do (just shy of getting fired) what they want to do. Leading change of any kind would be impossible. Authenticity creates a field of respect, admiration and commitment and is realized through consistent messaging and behavior. If a leader talks empowerment, they have to empower others. If they talk innovation, they have to build the capability, structures & support to engender innovation. When authentic leaders don’t know the answers, they’re honest about it – and invite other’s thinking. When they receive important feedback, they use it to visibly improve. When they engage others, people know there’s honest interest in their contributions.
Lesson From the Field
Consulting on a merger integration to launch a new business, I asked the Corporate Sr. VP who oversaw this P&L to open a planning session with the new leadership team who would then move into developing their strategy/roadmap. His presentation was powerful. He laid out the business case, challenges, expectations and corporate support in place for the team. He answered questions. At one point he held up his blackberry and laptop and said that, considering the importance of people’s new positions and the critical nature of real-time decisions, people are to always have these items with them – (vacations, nights, weekends). People got it – they understood – and they knew this reality came with their new roles. They appreciated the VP’s honesty. He earned credibility by stating a truth others may have been hesitant to express. But then later in his talk, he stressed the importance of maintaining work-life balance. People just looked at each other. His message was inconsistent, and it didn’t feel real. Everyone in the room saw and felt it. Whether this VP was expressing something he really felt was an important value to express but had a hard time with the paradox, or felt he had a responsibility to say but knew wasn’t true in the culture, the effect was the same. The energy of the conversation shifted. He lost a lot of ground because his words weren’t experienced as authentic. Team members were still highly-committed to their role and driving success for the business – it was an important step up for everyone. But this leader compromised his own credibility with the team that, at the least, presented a significant cost in lost opportunity.
c. Values are defined as, “what’s important” and are transmitted through words and actions. Values shape the culture of an organization though influencing the assumptions and beliefs people hold. Business values shape the business focus. Ethics values define character. Social values define relationships. The ability to impart values and being authentic are intrinsically tied. To engender follow-ship, leaders have to be clear about the values they hold and are intentional in the ways they model these to their people. They ‘walk the walk’.
Lesson from the Field
Consulting on a corporate restructuring with a $25M/year family business with a complex governing structure necessitated diplomacy and negotiations among multiple powerful stakeholder groups. We worked in close partnership with the CEO who was the glue holding everything together. His loyalty to the organization ran deep; his diplomacy skills were exceptional and his personal values were based on sincere care for people. This leader valued everyone’s contributions and everyone knew it. One evening after a long day together he drove me back to my hotel so we could prepare for the next day. Standing in front of the hotel a young man approached us and asked for $ so he and his wife who were traveling could get some food. My client looked at him and said he wouldn’t give him cash, but he would offer him a room at the hotel for the night and dinner. I was surprised – this wasn’t a ploy or a bluff – he was quite serious. He sincerely cared that these people had a place for the night and food in their bellies. I was truly inspired by his integrity and act of charity. At that point many things fell into place for me understanding who this leader was as a person and how he engendered such loyalty among his managers and employees by truly ‘walking the walk’.
2. Seeing the Big Picture, Holding the Vision sets a sound course for the business and offers people confidence that they’re heading towards a positive future. People know they’re working for something greater than themselves and that it’s attainable. Little is more inspiring than knowing our work has meaning in a bigger scheme of things. The most effective leaders I’ve worked with are able to maintain this ‘view from the balcony’ and also invite others to climb the stairs. In this way, leaders create a meaningful context for the work people are being asked to do.
The flip side of holding the big picture can result in a tendency to be impatient with perceptions from those in the trenches. Some leaders will tend to dismiss these points-of-view (and the people who carry these), cutting off either vital opportunities to learn about their organization or customers or leverage for employee learning or commitment. The most effective leaders I’ve seen are able to maintain their own big picture view and help to elevate other’s perceptions — while also honoring what their people have to offer, no matter how far in the weeds they live day-to-day.
3. Respect, Dignity and High Expectations is the tripod which maintains commitment and high-performance. High expectations coupled with respect for people’s dignity inspires follow-ship. Many leaders instead use fear, which can be motivating to a certain point, but only to a point and is far less effective or sustainable as respect, dignity and high expectations. (Adventure programs work under the premise of ‘eustress’, defined as just enough stress to make us be our best, but not carried over the line to become a negative dynamic).
Lessons From the Field
Working with newly-formed US regional leadership team of a large corporation, we came together to craft a strategy for the region. The retreat was progressing well until a mid-day break when the VP, in private conversation with me, said loud enough for everyone to hear (intentionally so), “my guess is half these guys won’t be here in six months”. This leader thought fear as the great motivator. His affect was far from leadership. The group responded as any in a state of shock and fear would. They participated, but very carefully so. By the end of the retreat we had crafted a strategic plan the group and VP were confident would achieve corporate goals for the region, and this leader’s feedback to the group was that he was somewhat disappointed that people weren’t thinking creatively enough. He couldn’t see just how demoralizing his earlier words were to the group. In his attempt to influence, he had violated people’s dignity and disenfranchised the team.
Alternately, in work with a UN Mission, we held a series of whole-system planning events, bringing together all of the Sections with Section Heads and Mission leadership. The Ambassador and Deputy Ambassador participated in all of the sessions, rolled up their sleeves and engaged fully. They recognized the opportunity to engage and learn from everyone throughout the rank and file, offer vision and set clear expectations across the organization. They also realized the cultural shifts they were looking to effect demanded this level of leadership engagement. The scale and complexity of issues these leaders were called upon to manage in their day-to-day reality were light years beyond those of people in the trenches – but these leaders listened with intention, curiosity and interest, and with high regard for people’s dignity. Perspectives and concerns weren’t dismissed as too small to warrant attention, nor did anyone feel patronized. The follow-ship these leaders were able to engender was inspiring to witness and generated results on the part of the whole group which helped to substantially improve the organization’s capability and performance.